The Fortune Cookie Chronicles
by forthelulz
Summary: Angels and Devils getting together would be totally impossible right? That’s what the whole Deimon Devil Bat team thought until a single wish forcefully pushed these two head strong individuals into each other’s lives. Hiruma x Mamori


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Eyeshield 21 no matter how much I love Hiruma-sama and his evil ways.

**Chapter 1: Prologue to the madness**

Suzuna Taki licked her silver spoon clean. The tantalizing taste of fresh strawberries and cream made her smile. Maybe it's the iced gelato dessert and the giddy sugar rush that came with it. Or maybe she just wanted to inflict some unspeakable form of terror to some poor clueless individual.

She smacked her lips and grinned. Oh she is so in the mood to do some teasing!

Sharp dark eyes quietly observed the situation. The Deimon Devil Bats huddled around a wooden table laden with scrumptious Chinese delicacies, the players' mud smeared helmets discarded carelessly on the marble floor.

The boys just finished a rigorous training regimen which consisted of running for several miles while the rabid Cereberos tried to bite their asses. It was dinner time by the time they finished. Exhausted and beaten up in every possible way, their minds were filled with only one precious thought – FOOD! HUNGRY! NOW!

Thus Doburoku-sensei drove the Devilbat truck like a maniac in order to get the entire team to the nearest Chinese eat all you can restaurant.

Ah, there's nothing better than to relax with tons of steaming delicious food. Add a bunch of tired, hungry, and highly competitive football players to the mix and they've got a crazy eating contest to boot.

Unfortunately, with the 'wormhole-for-a-stomach' Kurita Kuran as their main formidable opponent, none of the other club members had a prayer on winning the darn contest at all.

But would that deter the Ha-Ha brothers from fighting on?

NAH!

"RICE!" Kuroki shouted as he ordered another helping of Yam Chow Fried Rice for supplies dwindled in rapid succession and they needed some reinforcements. Juumonji grunted like a caveman in agreement as he and Toganou wolfed down the remaining platters of beef brisket stew and sweet sour pork.

Komusubi sneered at the trio's feeble attempts. "Fu-goh!" he said proudly. This can be roughly translated to "You can never ever win against my master!" in Powerful Go l33t sp3ak.

"Huh?"

The three 'brothers' briskly turned to glare at the small line man.

"Huuuuh?"

Komusubi smirked, mocking their comical expressions.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?"

The ex-gangsters ditched their dishes, threw away their chopsticks and launched themselves for a brawl.

Suzuna slapped her forehead and cringed when she saw the scene unfold before her. She seriously wanted to bang her pretty head against the nearest available wall.

Oh intelligence, proper reason and human logic where art thou?

_Probably vacationing somewhere far far far away since these guys totally lack all three. Orz._

After several minutes of nothing but fist fights (Huh Huh brothers vs. Komusubi) and some serious feasting (they already collected a six feet high stack of used plates and counting), the first batch of casualties occurred. Sena and Monta simultaneously resigned in defeat, burping loudly as they patted their own bloated bellies in contentment. Brain boy Yukimitsu passed out cold on the floor, drool dripping from his own open mouth. And Natsuhiko Taki, the idiot gentle prince of football, had already attached a fluttering white flag of surrender to his raised leg.

"Neanderthals" Suzuna rolled her eyes.

What was it with men, their love affair with food and their obsession with competitions anyway? It was driving her mad! Luckily, there were still those who were sane enough to leave the caveman mentality back to the ice age.

Suzuna's observing eyes wandered towards a certain spiky haired team captain.

Hiruma Yoichi, the devil himself, typed nonchalantly on his old trusty laptop, illegally lapping up all the wi-fi access from the Starbucks café next door. He looked downright serene when he minded his own business like that, as long as you wouldn't notice the AK-47 and submachine guns propped up like toys along his side.

It wouldn't matter anyway. Pestering You-nii, as Suzuna fondly calls her mentor on The Evil Ways of Teasing™, would be close to impossible. It is common knowledge for those who own a functioning brain that no one, alive or otherwise, can ever 'tease' the blonde incarnation of satan.

That would be akin to suicide, Harakiri or simply known as 'Death by Stupidity'.

Oh she wouldn't dare! Especially since she has this secret thing about a cute, small, absolutely fast….

She blushed beet red.

OKAY! Let's forget about that shall we? Next!

Doboroku-sensei can be used for some easy target teasing practice but he was currently too drunk to function. Musashi? Pfft. Too serious. Both of them were boring old fogeys anyway. Let's move on!

Hmm… She's quite sure she forgot to look for someone named Ishimaru. The cheerleader shrugged. That Ishi-something person probably does not exist.

Then there's the lovely, innocent Mamori Anezaki who, by some convenient coincidence, sat right beside her.

A glint of pure evil entered Suzuna's eyes. Oh, why didn't she think of it before! Target lock on!

"Oh Mamo-nee!" a sickly sweet voice almost sang. The unknowing victim looked at her petite friend and smiled.

"Suzuna-chan! Have you finished eating your dinner?" the sweet manager inquired in her oh so motherly way.

"Oh yes, it was quite lovely!" the cheerful cheerleader chirped "But not as lovely as Mamori-nee!"

"Suzu-chan!" Mamori blushed, a bright pink glow tainted her cheeks.

Suzu-chan grinned. Oh how she loved it when her victims get embarrassed!

"And I wonder if Mamori-nee also have a lovely boyfriend too! Hmm?"

"B-b-boyfriend?! I d-don't have a b-b-boyfriend!"

"Oh really?" The smirk instantly turned into a wicked grin. Suzuna raised the volume of her sing-song voice even higher, loud enough to let everyone within the room to hear her musings

"But I'm sure that Mamori-nee likes someone ne? I bet you like… HIRUMA-NII"

A loud thud resounded within the room as Monta 'accidentally' banged his head hard against the wooden table, rattling several dishes and empty glasses. Most of the team gaped at Suzuna, completely horrified at the mere suggestion of such an abominable idea.

Musashi glanced inquisitively at the blonde quarterback but Hiruma just silently typed away, chewing on his sugar-free bubble gum as if he didn't hear anything at all.

"Suzuna!" Mamori exclaimed, her voice frantic with denial. "I don't like anyone! I'm too busy with school, the discipline committee and my managerial duties to like someone! Right boys?"

The poor manager gazed at her team with innocent puppy dog eyes.

To rescue his true love from further prying questions, Monta quickly stood up with complete vigor and exclaimed that Mamori-nee is absolutely right MAX – even if the monkey himself wished to the gods to make HIM the one that the brown haired girl liked.

The rest of the team nodded in complete agreement, shook their heads in collective disbelief then resumed their disrupted competition. Devils and Angels getting it on would have got to be totally impossible… right?

Suzuna, on the other hand, clapped her hands together and looked as if Christmas came early.

_Oh, but you are blushing Mamori-nee! Now maybe that means something. Ku fuuuu. I'm not going to let you off the hook!_

The petite gal scooted nearer to her prey.

"You know," she began to whisper "I won't tell anyone if you really do like You-nii"

Mamori blanched. "I don't like him at all, Suzuna " she frowned

"But Doburoku-sensei insists that he is your… you know… boyfriend" Suzuna winked.

Mamori felt a brain nerve pop somewhere in her head. She laughed nervously and tried to dismiss such an outlandish assumption.

"I don't think we're anything like that. I only talk him a lot because I am the team manager and I should help the cough TEAM cough" she said "Besides, I can't like someone whom I do not even know. Even if I think I can understand a little bit of his personality that does not mean that I can decipher what goes on within that chaotic genius brain of his!"

"Oh!" Suzuna said in a matter-of-fact way "So if you knew You-nii even more you'll be able to like him then? Then I WISH there would be a way for Mamori-nee and Hiruma-nii to get to know each other!"

Thunder boomed. Lightning struck. The blissful clear skies darkened abpruptly as a sickening dark feeling of foreboding gripped Mamori's senses. Then, as if on cue, a plump waitress suddenly appeared out of the blue with a basket full of fortune cookies in tow.

"Ni Hao!" the simple Chinese woman offered "Would you ladies like to have some fortune cookies?"

Suzuna cheerfully grabbed one, cracked it open and practically squealed in delight when she read her fortune.

"Oh look! Look Mamo-nee! Mine says "YOUR WISH HAD BEEN GRANTED"! Isn't that quite quaint!"

The older woman paled. She couldn't believe what she just heard. _It's just a fortune cookie. A coincidence nothing more! Right genius?_

Mamori wanted to slap herself silly. She's a discipline committee member and an honor student for heaven's sake! She's a person who can battle a demon head on while not batting an eyelash. Hell, she can even mop the whole club room while she's at it. She not supposed to believe in improbable things like fortune cookies, faeries or devils.

Well, devils she can attest to but still!

She took in a deep breath, strengthening her resolve to disprove fate, as she reached out to get her share. Her nimble fingers tore away the wrapping, cracked the sweet Chinese pastry into two halves and then slowly pulled out the folded piece of paper wedged within the cookie. Azure eyes widened in total disbelief as she read the contents of that little piece of paper. Oh she just wanted to cry. With a simple phrase her whole resolve crumbled right before her eyes.

"THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE. LOL"

And with that Mamori Anezaki fainted dead away.

**AUTHOR NOTES:** Yeah, I know that it's a little bit OOC that Mamori would faint that easily, but it's important! You'll find out in the next chapter. grins

This is my first attempt at writing a fanfic. I'm totally new to this so I would really appreciate comments and suggestions. My grammar is horrendous. English is not my first language so please forgive all the grammar mistakes. Gah. I need to find an editor soon.

**EDIT: **I realized that I'll probably going to screw up the damn storyline so this fic is going to be an AU (alternate universe). Why? Because its more fun that way. And I also decided to change the time line and make the start of the story happen after one of their training practices rather than making it start right after the Ojou match. It would make better sense that way. I wrote this chapter at 1am in the morning so I didn't think much about the time line.

R&R!


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